We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
