he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
