Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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