he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
