This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
