i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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