Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
