I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
