Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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