I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
