You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
