I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
