worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
