My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
