im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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