Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
