How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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