just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
