I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
