So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
