The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
