My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
