Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
