Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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