if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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