Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
