Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
