you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize