Screwed.edu
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
