My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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