I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
