I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
