I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
