I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
