the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
