they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
