K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize