my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize