so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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