i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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