So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need water and some morals
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
