wanna go halves on a baby?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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