If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
