i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops