The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.