My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
