just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
