I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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