I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
