was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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