U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
