Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
