I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
