Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
