call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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