Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
