Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
