why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
