I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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