you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
