I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
