The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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