yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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