im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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