Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
