I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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