The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
