Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
