I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
