I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
